“The longer I live, the more I find I don't know”
“We’re paddling on the edges of the possibilities of grace”…Leonard Ravenhill
The last few weeks have been an interesting and intriguing time in my life. Changes in lifestyle and mindset seem to come at the most obvious times yet come completely unexpected. Needless to say I have learned a lot in the last month. The question I wrestle with though is does it matter?
I have been leading a devotional group of counselors throughout the weeks and am very pleased with how these young men of God are doing. There is so much talent and so much potential in them. That coming from me and 10 years of leading various groups is a pretty big statement. A couple weeks ago though one amazing female counselor said that it seemed kind of intimidating with me as a devo leader to the guys because I graduated from Bible College. The observation kind of stuck with me as it’s something I have heard before with people in Bible studies under my Father or Grandfather. I pondered that statement a lot wondering what does this knowledge mean to me and what does it do for me? The more I thought about it though the more I realized it’s not about how much I know about God, it’s about what I do with it. The knowledge is a means to an end, the end being a closer relationship with God and bringing others to that point. People spend their entire lives trying to find out the mysteries of life only to waste it all with no understanding of the love of an almighty God. We are trying to understand the divine only to find out how small we really are and how great God is for having mercy on us. The point is not how much I know, I’ll never even come close to knowing it all. The point is why and how this knowledge is changing me.
“The question is not were you challenged…the question is were you changed?”…Leonard Ravenhill
Signed
The Unsilent Pastor’s Kid
PS. If you can’t tell I have been listening to Leonard Ravenhill lately, look his sermons up on YouTube he has some great stuff
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The irony of pride
Pride seems like a cruel irony to me. Having self-pride can lead to arrogance and will devastate you. Not having self-pride can lead to extremely low self-esteem and will devastate you. Where is the middle ground or is there no middle ground? This is perhaps one of the biggest struggles I am pondering right now. I am only 23 yet I have accomplished a lot more than most my age. All of my personal goals are coming to fruition by the day. It doesn’t seem like there is really anything I can’t eventually accomplish, yet there in lies the trap I fear. In this line of thinking I grow more arrogant, in my arrogance I become complacent, in my complacence I am corrupted, and in my corruption I weaken. Why? Because the key word in that sentence is “I”. What I really should be thinking is: are my goals God’s goals? Is what I’m doing because of me or because of Him? We grow arrogant when we take God out of the picture.
Yet the flip side of the coin is the philosophy that having any kind of pride is wrong. Last time I checked God did choose humanity as His shining achievement of creation. Is that not something to be proud of? Last time I checked God lovingly made us all how He wanted us made. Is that not something to be proud of? Last time I checked God gave us the right to be called His children. Is that not something to be proud of? We get to work and achieve for the furthering of His kingdom…The Kingdom. How can we not be proud of our accomplishments done with His help in His Name? Not having any pride in yourself, as a child of God, is a tragic thing. We have every reason to feel confident and proud when we realize who is backing us.
Perhaps the problem isn’t having or lacking any pride. Perhaps it is what we put our pride in that is the problem.
Yet the flip side of the coin is the philosophy that having any kind of pride is wrong. Last time I checked God did choose humanity as His shining achievement of creation. Is that not something to be proud of? Last time I checked God lovingly made us all how He wanted us made. Is that not something to be proud of? Last time I checked God gave us the right to be called His children. Is that not something to be proud of? We get to work and achieve for the furthering of His kingdom…The Kingdom. How can we not be proud of our accomplishments done with His help in His Name? Not having any pride in yourself, as a child of God, is a tragic thing. We have every reason to feel confident and proud when we realize who is backing us.
Perhaps the problem isn’t having or lacking any pride. Perhaps it is what we put our pride in that is the problem.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Inspired Ambition
Long silences are good for building tension. Unfortunately for me the tension has been building for a while without me realizing it. I had been getting questions in the last few months over what I am doing with my blog and the Lake-Facebook group “FORUM.” I apologize to those people who have been waiting for months now for either a new blog post, video, or any news over FORUM but it’s been busy. Mostly because of school (25 credits this term until two weeks ago) and jobs (currency is a contradictory concept) but also something else.
For the past few months I have begun a new project that I have made known to a few people but not made public. It’s not like it’s a secret but I just didn’t really want to put it out there. I was inspired after reading an article about children who have grown up with a parent in ministry. Since I am a bonified “PK’ it caught my attention. The emotional struggle a pastor’s kid goes through can be pretty messy, read some of my past blogs you’ll get the picture. A lot of these kids grow up and leave the church because of some of the scars, and they don’t come back. It brought me to ask the question why am I still in church? What was so appealing to me that I broke through my struggles and stayed with the faith? The answers came with an inspiring idea over what to do with them. After talking with my Father and Grandfather, they have encouraged me to move forward with this. I am currently in the process of writing a book on the experiences of a PK. As of this writing I am done with the rough draft of the prologue/first chapter and most of the outlining. I will be talking about some past experiences but I’m trying to be as general as possible, a book that contains ranting won’t help anyone. My hope is that people will read this book and not give up hope on church or even faith for that matter but see hope in it. My hope is also that it gets published to begin with but that's up to God I believe.
Because of this a lot of my creativity has been going into the book so I haven’t really had time to blog or cut any new vids for the group. This process might take a while but I will try to get some new things done on both the blog and the group. Don’t worry I’m not dead… :P
Signed,
The Unsilent Pastor’s Kid
PS. I'm always looking for proofreaders if anyone is interested and no I did not correct grammar in this post ha, ha, ha.,}),.
For the past few months I have begun a new project that I have made known to a few people but not made public. It’s not like it’s a secret but I just didn’t really want to put it out there. I was inspired after reading an article about children who have grown up with a parent in ministry. Since I am a bonified “PK’ it caught my attention. The emotional struggle a pastor’s kid goes through can be pretty messy, read some of my past blogs you’ll get the picture. A lot of these kids grow up and leave the church because of some of the scars, and they don’t come back. It brought me to ask the question why am I still in church? What was so appealing to me that I broke through my struggles and stayed with the faith? The answers came with an inspiring idea over what to do with them. After talking with my Father and Grandfather, they have encouraged me to move forward with this. I am currently in the process of writing a book on the experiences of a PK. As of this writing I am done with the rough draft of the prologue/first chapter and most of the outlining. I will be talking about some past experiences but I’m trying to be as general as possible, a book that contains ranting won’t help anyone. My hope is that people will read this book and not give up hope on church or even faith for that matter but see hope in it. My hope is also that it gets published to begin with but that's up to God I believe.
Because of this a lot of my creativity has been going into the book so I haven’t really had time to blog or cut any new vids for the group. This process might take a while but I will try to get some new things done on both the blog and the group. Don’t worry I’m not dead… :P
Signed,
The Unsilent Pastor’s Kid
PS. I'm always looking for proofreaders if anyone is interested and no I did not correct grammar in this post ha, ha, ha.,}),.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Let it Out
Sometimes I think that guys are afraid to talk about emotion. Well usually I’m one of them, I don’t like to talk about feelings, it’s like pulling teeth with me. This blog has been one of the releases to me for a long time. Some people have gotten what I am really saying in my posts, and some don’t, but whatever. Sure, I say I feel this or I feel that a good chunk of the time, mostly its because I don’t know how else to put something. It’s not necessarily how I am feeling, and sometimes I don’t really want people knowing. Why? Trust, I don’t give out real trust to people very often. If you knew why you would understand, but that still doesn’t make it right. It’s something I have been working on for about a year, being able to trust people easier. One of the ways I work on that is understanding that hurt is a part of life. One of the reasons trust is a big deal for me, is because of betrayal and the hurt that follows. Pain will always be around in this world, we can’t let it run our lives. We need to let go and grow from it. Easier said then done I know. With God it can be done. It can’t be bottled up though and there is the issue.
Have you ever put too much soap into a washing machine? A little bit of soap is fine and is good, but putting in too much is not. When I started doing my own laundry I fell into this trap once. It was horrible, a huge mess. Later on I found out that it could have been worse. Did you know you could actually break a washer that way? Think about this strong washer, you put too much of something in it and let it run, only to get a mess. Now think about people who bottle in their feelings and emotions. Too much of it in and let it fester, it really does not matter how strong the person is you're going to get a mess. The pain and hurt always overflows and comes out. For a long time I thought of my emotions as something not to be trusted. They had gotten me into trouble more than once. So I kept them to myself. I let them get to be too much and some of my friends a few years ago noticed this. Slowly I started to see the error of my thinking. I thought emotion was bad and feared it as a threat to my strength, even though that fear was the real threat. I thought that reason and logic were the only good things from God left. Yet God is the one who gave us emotion in the first place, that line of thinking made no sense. It was then and now that I have had my eyes open to my folly. We aren’t supposed to live on just emotion, we aren’t supposed to live on just logic. We are to live in balance with our emotions and reason, both are from God. It is when we become extremists that we are in the wrong and cause ourselves more struggle then needed.
It is when we let our fear of our emotions or our logic dictate our actions that we are in deep trouble. We cannot let fear dictate our lives. Too many times we are so afraid of getting hurt that we hide our feeling and don’t take risk. Life is built on taking some risk with the acknowledgement that God is guiding your path. What may seem like risk to us is just part of the plan to God. So what is the point in fearing tomorrow, or fearing emotion? If we balance our emotion and reason with the very Word of God then we will see. We will see that nowhere in scripture does it say emotion is evil or something to be hid away. We will see in the Word that God right now has put people in your life to help you in your struggle. Bring it out, search the Word, talk about it, give it to God, get help from people and be there for people. But don’t ever let your emotions or reason go against the Word of God, and don’t ever bottle them up thinking they will go away. Sometimes our emotions get to be too much, it hurts, we go to pastors to counselors for help, and that is ok. Just don’t ever go it alone, don’t ever hide it, for hiding it will only makes it worse.
I have been called strong by some before, I did wonder if it was true or not. It was recently that I begun questioning that aspect. I write now with a new thinking of what strength is. True strength is given by God and God alone, we build it up through His Word, and one of the ways it manifests itself is through balancing our mind and emotions using Scripture as guidance. Not fearing what might come tomorrow, for tomorrow will come but relying on God to help us get along day by day. Looking back on the times of struggle in our lives, seeing how God has brought us through those times, with hope and confidence that He will always be there for us good or bad.
Signed
The Unsilent Pastor’s Kid
P.S. If you want more there are a couple books that I have been reading that have really Biblically based and really helped me a lot. If you want them send me a message and I will get them to you. I recommend reading both of them.
Polishing God’s Monuments: Jim Andrews- Book written on suffering, and where God is when we are hurting. Great book to read for anybody, very inspirational.
Faith and Feelings: Brian Borgman- Just got finished reading this one and changed some of my opinions on emotions. I highly recommend this book if you are questioning what place emotions have in a Believer’s life.
Have you ever put too much soap into a washing machine? A little bit of soap is fine and is good, but putting in too much is not. When I started doing my own laundry I fell into this trap once. It was horrible, a huge mess. Later on I found out that it could have been worse. Did you know you could actually break a washer that way? Think about this strong washer, you put too much of something in it and let it run, only to get a mess. Now think about people who bottle in their feelings and emotions. Too much of it in and let it fester, it really does not matter how strong the person is you're going to get a mess. The pain and hurt always overflows and comes out. For a long time I thought of my emotions as something not to be trusted. They had gotten me into trouble more than once. So I kept them to myself. I let them get to be too much and some of my friends a few years ago noticed this. Slowly I started to see the error of my thinking. I thought emotion was bad and feared it as a threat to my strength, even though that fear was the real threat. I thought that reason and logic were the only good things from God left. Yet God is the one who gave us emotion in the first place, that line of thinking made no sense. It was then and now that I have had my eyes open to my folly. We aren’t supposed to live on just emotion, we aren’t supposed to live on just logic. We are to live in balance with our emotions and reason, both are from God. It is when we become extremists that we are in the wrong and cause ourselves more struggle then needed.
It is when we let our fear of our emotions or our logic dictate our actions that we are in deep trouble. We cannot let fear dictate our lives. Too many times we are so afraid of getting hurt that we hide our feeling and don’t take risk. Life is built on taking some risk with the acknowledgement that God is guiding your path. What may seem like risk to us is just part of the plan to God. So what is the point in fearing tomorrow, or fearing emotion? If we balance our emotion and reason with the very Word of God then we will see. We will see that nowhere in scripture does it say emotion is evil or something to be hid away. We will see in the Word that God right now has put people in your life to help you in your struggle. Bring it out, search the Word, talk about it, give it to God, get help from people and be there for people. But don’t ever let your emotions or reason go against the Word of God, and don’t ever bottle them up thinking they will go away. Sometimes our emotions get to be too much, it hurts, we go to pastors to counselors for help, and that is ok. Just don’t ever go it alone, don’t ever hide it, for hiding it will only makes it worse.
I have been called strong by some before, I did wonder if it was true or not. It was recently that I begun questioning that aspect. I write now with a new thinking of what strength is. True strength is given by God and God alone, we build it up through His Word, and one of the ways it manifests itself is through balancing our mind and emotions using Scripture as guidance. Not fearing what might come tomorrow, for tomorrow will come but relying on God to help us get along day by day. Looking back on the times of struggle in our lives, seeing how God has brought us through those times, with hope and confidence that He will always be there for us good or bad.
Signed
The Unsilent Pastor’s Kid
P.S. If you want more there are a couple books that I have been reading that have really Biblically based and really helped me a lot. If you want them send me a message and I will get them to you. I recommend reading both of them.
Polishing God’s Monuments: Jim Andrews- Book written on suffering, and where God is when we are hurting. Great book to read for anybody, very inspirational.
Faith and Feelings: Brian Borgman- Just got finished reading this one and changed some of my opinions on emotions. I highly recommend this book if you are questioning what place emotions have in a Believer’s life.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
A Cry for Conviction
I’m not going to lie, these last few weeks have been hard. I don’t really know why it has been this way at this point in time. It is like this whether I like it or not though. All I can really do is roll with the punches. It always seems that when I have a question that gets answered ten more come up out of nowhere. The more questions that I have the more I instinctively try to retreat to my insecurity, my false reality of some sense of control. Every bit of the insecure side of me wants control, but it cannot be. It never can be this way. Because the reality is there is no control. This is the greatest thing that could ever happen to us, to be so out of power in life. To realize that someone else is in the drivers seat and we are merely passengers. It is at this point that we can escape insecurity, when we let go. Let go of fear.
Throughout these last couple weeks I have realized something, not only about myself but everything in general. I could go on and on about myself, but self-centeredness will only feed my ego. If I could choose a beginning point to these realizations it would be at a point in time where I viewed a certain video. This video is called Revival Hymn (it is on my wall, or just watch it on YouTube, highly recommend watching all of it, it will open your eyes). This video brought forth something I found very troubling. The majority of the church as we know it is falling to ruins. There is a lack of a great many things. I believe the church has been poisoned by people who claim to be part of us, they are really wolves in sheep’s clothing. People who play church, people who go to church looking to have their weekly dose of positive spirituality. People who reduce our faith to nothing more than a good emotional experience. What’s worse is that there are leaders out there supporting this view of “church.” I have seen pastors who are afraid of people being offended by the Gospel, the very gospel that saved them. Pastors who are changing the very basics of our faith just so they can be liked by the people that hate us. Where are the pastors who preached the full Gospel with courage? Where are the leaders who had some conviction in their voice? Where are the people who were more concerned with offending God then offending people? These leaders are becoming more few in number by the day. I long for the day when we stand unafraid as one, with one conviction. The truth that we are all sinners, we are all part of this evil humanity, and that Christ is the only one who can save us. I long for the day where our faith is seen as more then just affirming a few intellectual statements. I long for the day when the leaders of conviction become great in number once again, so that people will be changed and not just comfortable.
If you feel the same, what are you going to do about it? Are you really going to sit back and let truth be spat upon in favor of complacency? Are you going to let people turn your church into a place where the Bible takes a back seat to over-sensitivity? Listen, the Gospel will be offensive to some people, the question is are you courageous enough to speak out anyway?
As for me I will speak and look to the sky for my Vindicator asking Him, “How long O Lord will You let this continue? How long until You cleanse Your pulpit of the filth of cowardice? How much longer will You allow people to make light of Your holiness and justice?”
Throughout these last couple weeks I have realized something, not only about myself but everything in general. I could go on and on about myself, but self-centeredness will only feed my ego. If I could choose a beginning point to these realizations it would be at a point in time where I viewed a certain video. This video is called Revival Hymn (it is on my wall, or just watch it on YouTube, highly recommend watching all of it, it will open your eyes). This video brought forth something I found very troubling. The majority of the church as we know it is falling to ruins. There is a lack of a great many things. I believe the church has been poisoned by people who claim to be part of us, they are really wolves in sheep’s clothing. People who play church, people who go to church looking to have their weekly dose of positive spirituality. People who reduce our faith to nothing more than a good emotional experience. What’s worse is that there are leaders out there supporting this view of “church.” I have seen pastors who are afraid of people being offended by the Gospel, the very gospel that saved them. Pastors who are changing the very basics of our faith just so they can be liked by the people that hate us. Where are the pastors who preached the full Gospel with courage? Where are the leaders who had some conviction in their voice? Where are the people who were more concerned with offending God then offending people? These leaders are becoming more few in number by the day. I long for the day when we stand unafraid as one, with one conviction. The truth that we are all sinners, we are all part of this evil humanity, and that Christ is the only one who can save us. I long for the day where our faith is seen as more then just affirming a few intellectual statements. I long for the day when the leaders of conviction become great in number once again, so that people will be changed and not just comfortable.
If you feel the same, what are you going to do about it? Are you really going to sit back and let truth be spat upon in favor of complacency? Are you going to let people turn your church into a place where the Bible takes a back seat to over-sensitivity? Listen, the Gospel will be offensive to some people, the question is are you courageous enough to speak out anyway?
As for me I will speak and look to the sky for my Vindicator asking Him, “How long O Lord will You let this continue? How long until You cleanse Your pulpit of the filth of cowardice? How much longer will You allow people to make light of Your holiness and justice?”
Monday, May 18, 2009
A Bunch of Broken Toys
“He is the one who looks at me, and sees what I was meant to be-more than just a beautiful mess”- someone amazing, you know who you are ;)
It’s been a while I’ll admit. The thing is I have been writing, just not for anyone’s eyes to see, only my own, sorry. Sometimes I need to write on my own, just to gain some kind of grasp on all of the thoughts that go through my head. Sometimes I need to look and see that there is something to hoping. Hoping that I am becoming more then I was before. More than a broken human, more than a busted dream, more than anything that can be grasped by human minds. Yet God’s mind is greater then ours. He didn’t grasp it but planned it. It is a comfort thinking that God looks down upon me and intends something great. That I am not just some speck of dust, but that there is a purpose, a dream that can be attained. We go through life with so many dreams that fall apart and break into a mess. So many plans that get thrown to the wind in an instant. Yet there is still hope, hope in an Almighty God that has planned from the beginning something great for me, for all of us. If we would just throw down our pride and trust Him. Take His hand and follow. He would lead us into a path of true fulfillment. That we might become something more, something better, something that we were supposed to be from the beginning. I can’t help but feel like a broken toy at some points. That I have fallen off the shelf and am crying out for someone to fix me. The great thing about it is the Toymaker hears my cries and says I will not just fix you, I will polish you up and make you look better then new. How much longer until we can be what we are supposed to? How much longer will it take You to fix me? How much longer until I get to see the Face of my Creator? Until then I wait and undergo repair, becoming more then just a broken mess.
It’s been a while I’ll admit. The thing is I have been writing, just not for anyone’s eyes to see, only my own, sorry. Sometimes I need to write on my own, just to gain some kind of grasp on all of the thoughts that go through my head. Sometimes I need to look and see that there is something to hoping. Hoping that I am becoming more then I was before. More than a broken human, more than a busted dream, more than anything that can be grasped by human minds. Yet God’s mind is greater then ours. He didn’t grasp it but planned it. It is a comfort thinking that God looks down upon me and intends something great. That I am not just some speck of dust, but that there is a purpose, a dream that can be attained. We go through life with so many dreams that fall apart and break into a mess. So many plans that get thrown to the wind in an instant. Yet there is still hope, hope in an Almighty God that has planned from the beginning something great for me, for all of us. If we would just throw down our pride and trust Him. Take His hand and follow. He would lead us into a path of true fulfillment. That we might become something more, something better, something that we were supposed to be from the beginning. I can’t help but feel like a broken toy at some points. That I have fallen off the shelf and am crying out for someone to fix me. The great thing about it is the Toymaker hears my cries and says I will not just fix you, I will polish you up and make you look better then new. How much longer until we can be what we are supposed to? How much longer will it take You to fix me? How much longer until I get to see the Face of my Creator? Until then I wait and undergo repair, becoming more then just a broken mess.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Staring in Awe at the Hand of God
Sunday is a strange yet almost always good day for me, in many ways. On one hand it’s strange because I always learn something new on Sunday. Not to say that I don’t learn on other days, but something inspiring always comes to mind on Sunday. It is what I choose to do with that knowledge, that is the real question. This last Sunday was no different. I was listening to my grandfather’s sermon at church this last Sunday. He is one of two (the other being my father) that I have yet to hear a sermon from where I did not pick up something new. Even from scriptures I had read many times before.
We were talking about the last chapter in Acts. He made a point about how God does not waste and always gives us what we need. To illustrate this he said that God never wastes, for instance the story of the feeding of the five thousand. There were 12 baskets left. Now for the years and years of going over this same story my mind turned. What could I have possibly missed? He then said this, how many disciples were there? It hit me like a rock, twelve disciples, twelve baskets of fish, one monument to God’s provision.
Is there ever a time in your life where you wonder where is God? What is He doing? Or is He really providing, is this what His will is? This point brings up many thoughts to my head. My great grandfather passed away about a month ago. It was depressing for me since he was truly a great example of a Christ follower and truly a great man. The Monday following this event I received a stunning phone call from my father. He said to me something that I will never forget; your grandfather left you an inheritance that no one knew about. Now I knew that for the last couple years I had been trying to come up with ways that I could save for my tuition for my seminary education after college. I wondered if this was really what God wanted for me. I wondered if my college education was really wasted. Was my training for nothing? Was I really called to ministry? I figured out my tuition for four years of seminary would be about $21,000. I found out later how much I had been left, 20 grand. God provides for those who do His will. Just like with the twelve apostles, God provided for me and wasted nothing. God can use every single person, its only a matter of will you accept His provision?
Signed,
The Unsilent Pastor's Kid
We were talking about the last chapter in Acts. He made a point about how God does not waste and always gives us what we need. To illustrate this he said that God never wastes, for instance the story of the feeding of the five thousand. There were 12 baskets left. Now for the years and years of going over this same story my mind turned. What could I have possibly missed? He then said this, how many disciples were there? It hit me like a rock, twelve disciples, twelve baskets of fish, one monument to God’s provision.
Is there ever a time in your life where you wonder where is God? What is He doing? Or is He really providing, is this what His will is? This point brings up many thoughts to my head. My great grandfather passed away about a month ago. It was depressing for me since he was truly a great example of a Christ follower and truly a great man. The Monday following this event I received a stunning phone call from my father. He said to me something that I will never forget; your grandfather left you an inheritance that no one knew about. Now I knew that for the last couple years I had been trying to come up with ways that I could save for my tuition for my seminary education after college. I wondered if this was really what God wanted for me. I wondered if my college education was really wasted. Was my training for nothing? Was I really called to ministry? I figured out my tuition for four years of seminary would be about $21,000. I found out later how much I had been left, 20 grand. God provides for those who do His will. Just like with the twelve apostles, God provided for me and wasted nothing. God can use every single person, its only a matter of will you accept His provision?
Signed,
The Unsilent Pastor's Kid
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